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There are days when there is so much on my to-do and want to-do list that I think my head may explode. I find it incredibly overwhelming how much comes at me in this information technology world
The past few months have been filled with lots of endings for me. The end of a business partnership was one of the big endings for me. today marked the clear ending of that as the final papers were signed to with the lawyers.
Although the ending has been amicable, we love each other and wish each other well in the pursuit of new Although the ending has been amicable, we love each other and wish each other well in the pursuit of new passions, it was a sad day for me and had me reflecting on all the endings that have come my way this year. Most of those endings being my limiting beliefs about myself and my life.
I feel as though in the past few months I have been decluttering my life of all the beliefs that have been weighing me down and all the distractions that have taken my attention over the past few year, and at the end of all these endings i find myself with new beginnings to look forward to. I have learned a lot working with the amazing people I have had the pleasure of hanging with, and now find myself taking all that learning and sitting on the edge of the unknown with myself. I feel that at this time it is my time to step out of the shadows and put myself forward into the light, to allow myself to shine. that has always been difficult for me, it is so much easier to be behind the scenes and let others shine…there is not as much pressure there. I have had moments of being out in the spotlight but for the most part I have been back up support. I have played small and allowed myself to not go all the way into being myself.
the past few months, with lots of endings not all of my own choosing I find the message that I am getting is that it is time for my new beginning. to introduce the world to the real me, the confident me, the me that has been growing and learning over the past 45 years and is now ready to say ” I am enough” and I am ready to shine.
As I say goodbye to the shadows and past clutter…I turn my head up towards the light, breathe deeply and know this new beginning is freedom!
The other day I spend the day fighting back tears and having several crying spells…and I have no idea why. I get these waves of sadness that envelop me every once in awhile, I can be driving down the street,
sitting at my computer or just really doing nothing then all of a sudden I am crying (and often laughing at myself at the same time). I have come to the conclusion that it is how my body rids itself of stress and overwhelm. Even when I think I am not stressed or overwhelmed my body seems to like to react to remind me that I am…I am tired of struggle, I am tired of being stuck, I am tired of not moving forward…I am tired!
When I am tired, I cry…when I am overwhelmed, I cry…When I am disappointed, I cry…Sometimes for no reason I can understand, I cry…then I pull myself together like the mom on Love Actually and carry on. It does not make me weak, it does not make me unworthy…it just is me!
Carrying On,
Kim
Walking today in a favorite small park near my home that is under construction got me to thinking how messy things get when we start to build,renovate or rebuild.
clear the space and finally start the build. This goes for us as well…when we feel that it is time for change we must first release the old, those things that
are holding us back and not serving us anymore. This gets messy, can be painful and sometimes takes a long time (ever watch a reno show…it gets tough). If we try to build over the old, often things are off, the foundations start to crumble and it all falls apart eventually.
Sometimes we need to knock things down, dig things up and remove old crap in order to repair or build new awesomeness in our life.
xoxKim
Being a coach for others often creates the feelings in me that I have to be perfect myself and that asking for help means I don’t have my own shit together…and if I don’t have my own shit together
how can I help others get theirs. Here is what I have learned…the hard way I might add. I am not perfect and that is what makes me a good coach.I have struggles, I have obstacles and I have shit that gets cluttered in my own life that I have to deal with. If I did not have stuff to deal with I would not be learning and growing. But one thing I have always had a hard time doing is asking for help, asking for coaching myself… and guess what…things have gotten hard, and lonely and down right miserable.
This past summer I retreated into myself, as I talked about in another post Every Ending is a New Beginning I had a lot of endings to deal with…and I thought I needed to deal with them totally by myself…and I do feel it is important to spend time with myself, meditate on things and work things out in my own soul. But what I have come to realize is that it is OKAY to also seek out help and guidance…it does not show others I am weak, it does not mean I am a failure and it does not have to bring judgement upon me.
What a good coach does is help me figure things out, guides me to think about things I may have not thought about before and for me my coaches help me move forward with support and encouragement. They are my TEAM…They are instrumental in keeping me from going totally mental Ha! Ha!
It took me all summer of shutting myself down to finally realize that I needed someone to help me move forward and a good coach is not there to judge me…to ‘make’ me feel bad about myself and what I have not accomplished yet…NOBODY CAN MAKE ME FEEL OR DO ANYTHING…I choose to feel what I feel, I choose to act or not act…I choose! And being on my own I was regressing into a negative, self judgmental pit that I knew was not where I wanted to be or who I authentically was. I needed help!
I was scared…but it had nothing to do with being scared of my coach and everything to do with my own limiting beliefs…I was scared of myself and what I might discover. But guess what…It was not as scary as I thought…was it easy? no…did I cry at points? yes! Do I have more work to do? ALWAYS! But I took the step…I am moving forward to being the best me I can be…and with a good coach I am allowing myself to ask for help.
I am again MOVING FORWARD!
Love Kim
