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The pain of losing a loved one is all consuming, it cuts right to the soul and breaks your heart. The aftermath of losing a loved one is often hard for anyone to verbalize. Everyone deals with death differently. From my experience you cannot predict how someone will react and get through it. There are no specific timelines, no specific route to getting through it and I can tell you that you NEVER get over it. You can just learn to accept it and learn how to live your new normal without your loved ones physical presence.
When a loved one passes, they leave behind not only heartache but also ‘stuff’. Their presence is felt in all the things that they used, all the clothes that they wore, all their precious mementos they collected. Those left behind are then tasked with having to decided what to do with all the stuff left behind. I work regularly with people who have to go through their loved one’s possessions, it is a heartbreaking task but a necessary one to move forward.
Although the task is not simple here are 8 tips to help you move through the heartache of releasing a loved one's stuff after they pass:
Wait if possible - Give yourself some time before you tackle this if possible. Allow yourself the time to grieve the loved one and feel a little stronger before you take on this task, unless time is limited to settle the space.
Grieve as you go - As you go through the process you may feel like you are giving away a piece of your loved one with every possession you let go. This is normal and part of the whole grieving process. What is important during this time is to allow for the grieving to happen - cry, yell, whatever you need to do to let the emotions out. Feel the feeling and then move on.
Honour their memory - Choose how you are going to honor the memory of your loved one with the stuff you do keep. Keep only things that bring you joy when thinking of them. The reality is we cannot keep everything from everyone, so choose wisely what you will keep and ensure you honor their memory by honoring the possessions you keep. Storing boxes and boxes of their stuff in an attic or basement does not honour their memory, choose to pay it forward and allow others to be blessed by the stuff, giving your loved one’s possession new life.
Take Pictures – If there are things that have great memories but you know you cannot keep, take a picture of the item to keep in a memory file. Whenever you are missing your loved one, you can look at the pictures and remember the joy without having all the stuff take up space.
Share their stuff with others that loved them – Allow family and close friends to choose something if they want. Once you have decided what you must keep, allow others that loved them to choose something that brings them joy and reminds them of your loved one. Keeping the love alive and their memories cherished.
Release the rest to the Universe – it is not your job to distribute each and every item individually. It is not your job to know where everything is going. Send possessions off to Goodwill and allow the universe to get those possessions in the hands of those that most need them. You do not have to do all the work! Send them with love and let them go.
Get Help – If this task is just to big and too much for you to tackle on your own then ask for help. A trusted friend, family member or a professional. Getting help can make the process quicker and easier than doing it alone. Be honest about what you can handle on your own and ask for help when you decide you are not able to do it by yourself. There is no shame in needing help during a difficult time. This help will need to be firm but loving to keep you moving.
BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF – there is no easy way to do this task. Be patient and kind to yourself, take breaks when you need them and don’t forget to breathe as you go.
You cannot keep everything of a loved ones. That is the hard truth, but you can keep the memories. Your memories of your loved ones are yours to keep. No one can take those from you. Remember the joy, remember the fun, remember the love.
If you feel you cannot do this alone, I would be honoured to help you through this process. Come join our Support Group or contact us for one on one care. With gentle guidance and support we can move you forward through this difficult task.
Honouring you and your loved ones,
Kim xox
www.ClutterSupportGroup.com
I have been working with a client who lost her husband 2 years ago. The pain of missing him is strong but the need to let go of some of his stuff is now critical as she has moved to an apartment. As we go through this process together my job is to support her as she goes through the heartache and grief, allowing her to feel the feelings then let go.
We are creating a memory trunk of the stuff she keeps, it will be a place to keep possession that honour his memory for her and his kids. It has a defined space which allows her to make decisions based on what really deserves to be in that trunk.
We cannot keep ALL our loved ones possessions...we just can't! That is the cold hard truth.
Imagine if you had to keep everything that belonged to every person in your family that is now gone - parents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc...it would be too much, overwhelming and in the end all that stuff would block you from living in the now and moving forward...there would be no room for you!
Keep a few things, keep the memories, keep the love. The rest is just stuff!
xox Kim
#Solvingthedownsizingdilemma
It is that time of year again when we are planning for our kids to return to school. Some of you dread this time of year knowing that routines and that dreaded lunch preparation time is at hand. Some of you, of course, are jumping for joy knowing the kids are getting the heck out of your house!
I always found getting teens ready for back to school is a much different process than when they were younger. High School is a different baby all around than middle school from my experience. Mornings in our house were much harder because as teens they stay up too late and getting up in the morning was not their favourite thing to do...especially for ugg school!
Here are my top 5 tips to preparing yourself and your teens for back to school:
#1 Don't overstress about school supplies. I found that they did not need nearly as much as when they were younger especially those first days. some basic supplies of loose leaf paper, a binder, pens, pencil and eraser. Wait until they are a few days in and have been to class a few times, then they will know what they actually need for each class.
#2 Organize your kitchen so they can easily prepare their lunches and snacks for the day. Have all the lunch supplies together in a cupboard or drawer. As well, have a basket in fridge with the regularly used lunch and snack supplies. This not only makes it easy for them to prepare their own lunches (and by preparing I mean for them to throw something together as they run out of the house) but it also makes it easy for you to see what you need when grocery shopping...when the basket is empty you need to refill!
#3 Talk to your teens and include them in decision making...I cannot tell you how often I went ahead and bought stuff or made decisions for my teens only to find out they did not like what I bought, did not need it or resented me not asking their opinion. So we have learned the art of talking to each other, me asking them what they need/want and discussing what is possible and what is not. Sorry no big back to school Iphones in this house even thought they thought that was on the mandatory supply list for survival at school haha, that is something they have had to buy on their own. My youngest had very definite tastes and likes for backpack and clothes, so I would give her a budget and she had to get what she needed with that or add her own funds to it. I am happy to say she is now a high school graduate with exceptional financial skills.
#4 Teach them time management skills. I think this is one of the most important skills we can teach our kids. How to prioritize their time, break things down into manageable bites, How to use a calendar to manage their school, extracurricular time, play time and get themselves organized.
#5 Try to understand the craziness that is going on in their brain. The teenage brain is a fascinating thing, it can feel like they are aliens invading your home. Watch this documentary on Surviving the teenage brain to get a good understanding of why they are so crazy and do the things they do. This helped us survive these years, I am not saying it is easy but at least understanding why helped us to be logical in our guidance and support as they navigated these years. Hold on to your hats and pray! YOU CAN DO THIS! Surviving The Teenage Brain: https://vimeopro.com/user13599767/docs/video/154086074
My theory on parenting has always been that my job was to teach my kids how to live without me ,because I don't want them to live with me forever lol. High school is the time to help them learn adulting skills , give them some independence, let them learn to look after themselves and start making decisions for themselves (and sometimes make mistakes too - that is part of life). Talk to them, respect them for where they are in their life right now and help them adapt to the adult world by training them to think and do for themselves with the guidance of you as their 'coach' in this crazy world we live in!
Wishing you all a great school year...may you all survive the teenage brain days!
Have you started the process of downsizing your stuff only to get stuck and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of “things” you have?
I have fantastic news for you…I can help!
I am excited to let you know that today my new book, Solving The Downsizing Dilemma PS: Your Kids Don't Want All Your Stuff, is ready for you to get your hot little hands on. And to celebrate the launch, I am offering the Kindle version for … wait for it… only $0.99! Yes, you read that correctly! Plus if you’re the type who likes to have a printed version, the soft cover is also available for order today, with the Kindle added free so you can start it right away while you wait for it to arrive.
Imagine! For less than the price of a cheap cup of java, my book will show you how to…
1) Create a workable plan to stay sane while downsizing;
2) Decide what to keep and what to throw away;
3) Cope with letting “memories” go;
4) Deal with the aftermath of moving…
And much, much more!
The process of downsizing and releasing stuff can be an emotional rollercoaster ride. Saying good-bye to your beloved things exacts a toll on everyone who goes through this process.
Folks, do yourself and your kids a huge favour and get the Kindle version of Solving The Downsizing Dilemma right now!
Here is the link to get your copy: https://amzn.to/2LXLKF2
If you’re a baby boomer or having aging parents, at some point you’re going to be moving from the big house with all those huge rooms to a much smaller and easier to maintain home. Trust me. You’re going to love having this book to guide you through the downsizing journey.
But hurry because the special price of .99 is for a limited time only.
Here’s that link again – https://amzn.to/2LXLKF2
Thanks in advance for taking the time out of your busy schedule to purchase this wonderful “how to” book. I appreciate your support!
PS: Once you’ve read the book, could you hop on over to Amazon and leave a review? Part of my mission for this book is to help relieve as much of the stress that downsizing causes in our lives. Your review will help spread the word that there is help for this common yet often overwhelming part of life.
I really do appreciate the help!
Happy downsizing!
Kim
Are you closets bursting at the seams, drawers stuffed full and clothes hanging out on chairs, floors, in laundry baskets and other surfaces?
Imagine being able to open your closet with ease and getting dressed in the morning in peace! It can be done with a little work and some general guidance.
Imagine walking into your laundry room and seeing the floor!
So let’s get started:
Step #1 Establish a base camp – this is where you are going to gather ALL your clothes.
Step #2 Gather ALL YOUR CLOTHES – go find all your clothes and bring them into base camp. Start Step #3 at this time too!
Step #3 Do your laundry – Start your laundry and as it is done bring the clothing into base camp. (this can be happening while you are doing the other steps so you don’t lose momentum)
Step #4 Sort It Out – Put your clothing into categories that make sense to you. Like with Like based on how you use them, when you use them and what function they serve in your life. This is a key step to getting organized, do not skip this step!!!!
Step #5 PURGE – Time to let go of all those things that you do not wear, need or love NOW. This is a tough step but make the decision based on what is serving you in your life now…does that clothing make you feel fabulous NOW, is it comfortable NOW, does it get used NOW. Let go of the past and live in the NOW!
Step #6 Get HELP if you are struggling – sometimes you just have to have someone else to be there to help you move through the process and help you make the decisions. Ask a compassionate friend, family member of hire a professional organizer to get you through the process with grace and ease. Contact me if you want my help, we can do this in person or virtually!
The myth most people fall back on is ‘I don’t have enough closet space’. From my over a decade of experience this is normally not true…most people use 20% of what they own, if you only kept what you needed and used you most likely have enough room….AND its is so much easier to maintain.
Benefits of decluttering your clothing and closets include – simplify your life, save time and reduce anxiety. It is worth the little bit of effort!
To get my help contact me here:
http://kaossolutions.com/declutter
Kim
