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Todays topic is about living with a non declutterer. Do you have people in your household who do not seem to care about the clutter that surrounds you? You get angry and frustrated that nobody else sees it or will take any initiative to clear it out?
It is possible to live with a non declutterer. I totally understand your frustrations as I have a husband who is a non declutterer. He either doesn’t see it and it does not bother him or if it is in an area where it does get to him he will gather it up and dump it someplace out of sight…and out of his mind, but drives me out of my mind lol.
We have been married for over 26 years now, so I am a testament to the fact that you can happily and peacefully live with a non declutterer.
Here are my tried and true tips on living peacefully with a non declutterer…not all of them are easy and they all require you to change you mind frame!
- Stop expecting them to change! Stop fighting their natural tendencies/weaknesses and expecting them to care about what you care about or see what you see or be bothered by the stuff you are bothered by. You cannot change them…you can only change how you react to them.
- Make it easy for them to make decisions on clutter! Make it easy for them to be part of the process. When you start to declutter create a pile of their stuff to make decisions- then go through it with them quickly just making quick decisions if possible.
- Get Help! Is there someone who you know who can help you, someone who is non judgemental and help you move through the process. In our house it’s my daughter who is good at it and loves to help. If you do not have someone you can call on then it’s time to call me, a clutter coach can help you move through the piles faster, quicker and with support and understanding. Check out my declutter packages and give me a call today!
- LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY! Or you will end up nagging uncontrollably! You have to make that decisions to love them for all the wonderful things are and let go of the expectations of them being something else.
I know lots of you are saying ‘if they would just care’…the problem is you can’t make them care, you can’t make someone care about something that they don’t. Just like you cannot make yourself not care about it. You have to embrace who they are and who you are and be able to love each other unconditionally and work together on your strengths. They may have strengths that you do not so embrace the good and let go of the expectation of change.
I wish for you a peaceful calm home, life and family. That is what my job is all about and why I do what I do. I really believe that we have so much chaos going on in the world that you should be able to walk into your house, take a deep breath and that be your place of peace and joy.
If you live with someone who cannot help you, I am here to help! That is why I have created my Decluttering packages…to support you through the process of creating this calm!
Check them out today and give me a call to set up time to get started.
http://kaossolutions.com/declutter
Kim
Do you get stuck in your memories when you try to declutter? Taking so much time because you take a long trip down memory lane for each things you touch that you never actually get things done?
There are some tricks you can use to keep yourself on track and keep moving. You Can Do This!
Imagine being able to honour the memories and still get through the piles.
My Dad is famous for his stories and when I was helping him downsize I found he took forever if he had an audience to tell his stories to. We got to the point where we had to give him assignments and send him off to do it himself because he got stuck in telling the story if he had someone to tell it to. On his own he managed to move forward with moving deadlines keeping him going.
Everything has a story when you bring it into the light. But you can move forward and make progress if you are determined.
Here are my top 4 tips for dealing with going down memory lane without getting stuck too long:
Understand Your Own Personal Tendencies – memories bring out emotions and if you are an emotional person it may take you longer to deal with these things. Embrace the fact you may need more time than others and allow yourself to feel the feelings…just don’t get stuck there.
One Pile at A Time – don’t overwhelm yourself with a whole room when you start. Do one pile/box at a time and reward yourself for each pile you get through.
Set A Timer – give yourself a specific amount of time to trick your brain into keeping you on task. If your mind knows its being timed it will do what it can to get things done in that time. Be honest and realistic in your timing so you do not set yourself up for failure.
Preserve The Memory – take a picture of the object to help you preserve the memory without keeping everything you touch. If you are a story teller, take the picture, then later when you have time do a video or journal about the memory!
It may feel like you will never get through the piles but I encourage you to take it one pile at a time, one box at a time. The way to success is to keep moving forward no matter how slow. Take a step, then another.
If you are really struggling and can’t seem to get yourself moving on your own, give me a call. My passion and mission in life is to help people like you to clear the overwhelm and live a peaceful calm life! I can do that in person in the Greater Moncton Area or coach you virtually online. Just don’t give up and do nothing!
Check out my decluttering and downsizing packages today!
http://kaossolutions.com/downsizing
Wishing you a peaceful calm day!
Kim
When you tackle a decluttering projects do you find yourself moving your clutter from one spot to another, making a bigger mess everywhere you go by spreading the clutter all around?
Being organized in your approach to decluttering can help stop the chaos from spreading and help you stay focused on the area you are working in.
I use to have this problem all the time, I would routinely make a bigger mess everywhere else as I was tackling a space, only to run out of time to tackled the other spaces I ‘messed up’ as I went. But over the past 12 years of being a professional Organizer I have learned the system to staying focused and getting a job done! Thank Goodness or I might have been out of a job if I made clients spaces messier than when I started lol
Tips to stay focused:
SORT IT OUT – before you move anything anywhere else think about what this clutter is, what goes together, and think about where it actually belongs. Have a box for the other areas in the home that the stuff that is moving actually belongs. Keep like with like to make putting it back easier after.
BE RUTHLESS AND REDUCE – Realize that to actually declutter you have to let things go not just move them around. Reduce – Reduce –Reduce. It’s all about simplifying your life and to do that you have to simplify how much stuff you have. Does this stuff serve you NOW? No, then let it go!
GIVE IT A HOME – To be organized everything has to have a home to live. Make the decisions while you go and decide where these things should live. PLAN the time to actually do this step so you don’t end up with a bunch of boxes full of stuff with no home.
I know lots of you will resist the reducing and use the excuse that the stuff is important, I can’t possibly give it away. You have to be HONEST with yourself and make the decision of what you want your space to be, do you want it to be a peaceful calm home for you or do you want it to be a storage space for your stuff. You decide!!
If you have had enough of the clutter and struggle with tackling it on your own, check out my decluttering packages. Together we can get it done quicker, easier and I am a pro at keeping you focused on the task at hand!
Decluttering packages: http://kaossolutions.com/downsizing
Your Personal Clutter Coach,
Kim
Is your home stacked full of too much stuff? Are you overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff you have and have no idea what to do with it all?
Imagine living in a space that is clear, clean and uncluttered. Imagine a simplified life where you can move around your space easily. Imagine being able to find your stuff.
The overwhelm in your space can affect your mental state. I had a client dealing with major depression and the overwhelm around his home was too much for him to handle. While he was away we spent several days clearing out the space and organizing the home. When he arrived home it totally transformed how he felt in that space and his road to recovery was helped by the fact that their space was less overwhelming.
it is important to understand the connections between your environment and your mental and emotional states. There is a huge connection there. Dealing with that overwhelm of having too much stuff can affect your health.
STEPS TO DEALING WITH OVERWHELM
Breathe – I want you to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out! Calm yourself down, breathe and ground yourself first.
Dream – What do you want? How do you want your space to feel, what do you dream for your space, what does it feel like? Understanding the end results before you tackle the stuff.
** Decide to take ACTION – You have to take action to make any movement forward. You have to decide you are worth it, your family is worth it and your home is worth it. You have to take ACTION!
Break It Down – Plan out what you are going to do. Pick a spot to start. If everything is driving you crazy start with your bedroom, it is the first thing you see in the morning and last space you see every night. Break it down into the spaces you are going to tackle first.
Get Help – If you cannot get it done on your own, if you have struggled trying to do it yourself then get help. If you do not have the skills to do it on your own, stop beating yourself up for not being good at decluttering or organizing and not having those skills. If you want my help check out my Declutter Packages.
I know some of you beat yourself up thinking it should be easy. Well it is NOT. Only 15% of the population is naturally organized, some of us are great at teaching and coaching too. I am sure there are lots of things you are better than others at, we cannot all be experts in all fields. So if you are struggling, ask for some help and guidance.
And don't forget to BREATHE!!
PS Here is the link to the Declutter Packages http://kaossolutions.com/declutter
Your outer world reflects your inner world, and vice versa. If there is too much physical clutter in your life, your mind, body and spirit react to that and get overwhelmed. Overwhelmed bodies get sick, overwhelmed minds get scattered and jittery (anxiety) and overwhelmed spirits retreat (depression).
It’s time to clear that out and take back your life! Resolve to clear the clutter this year.
Some examples of great decluttering resolutions include:
Resolving to clear out certain areas of your space –
This year:
I am going to create a bedroom that is my retreat from the world.
I am going to declutter and organize my kitchen to support healthier eating habits.
I am going to get my car IN the garage.
I am going to keep only what supports my life now and pay it forward all the stuff I do not need, use or want anymore.
Resolving to clear mental clutter-
This year:
I am going to turn off notifications and take time to disconnect
I am going to say NO more often to things I do not want to do
I am going to stop worrying about what is not mine
Resolving to clear spiritual/emotional clutter:
This year:
I am going to take time to be still and breath
I am going to learn to breath and not react in anger so easily
I am going to go to a yoga class
I am going to learn to meditate
I am going to release my limiting beliefs and work on focusing on beliefs that empower me.
What's the secret to sticking with them?
It takes perseverance and determination to release old habits and create new ones. If you try to do too much at once you most likely will not be successful. My advice is to pick one area and start there. Stick with it and be okay when you fall off the wagon for a minute. Don’t spend time beating yourself up for falling off…just get back on and try again. Then add more as you get comfortable. It’s like starting at the gym, you don’t go in and immediately start running 20km…you work your way up to whatever your goal is. Little by little, bite by bite, one piece of clutter at a time!
How do we keep from feeling overwhelmed when we tackle that first task?
Breathe! Know that you are taking on a new challenge and learning new skills as you go, so you won’t be an expert when you first start and that is okay! Just breath and keep moving forward.
Find people or a group to support you through the process. Join my clutter support group on Facebook or find your own little group to work though the process together.
If the task is way over your skill set and you have failed at it in the past, then please hire a coach to help you through it. There is nothing wrong with asking for help for something that is not your strong suit. We don’t think twice about getting a coach or taking a course to learn to golf, ski or even learn business skills so why would you be hesitant to get a coach to help you learn to declutter and let go if that is what you need!
What if the clutter in your space is someone else's..like children who've moved out or parents who've decided to downsize and send all their stuff your way?
First – if it is in YOUR house, it is your clutter. So keep that in mind when dealing with other people’s stuff who do not live in your house.
For kids who have grown and moved out, it is a matter of gathering it all up and asking them if they want it. You cannot know what is important to other people, so ask them. Then give them a deadline to get it out of your space. If the kids are still in University or are just starting to get settled but not quite there yet, then you need to make the decision of how long you want to be their storage unit. A few months, a few years, a few decades?? There is nothing wrong with holding their stuff for a while IF you have the room and it is not interfering in your life!
Downsizing parents are a whole other ball game. My next book coming out this year is all about solving the downsizing dilemma. Parents want to give us all their stuff to make it easier on them to let it go…which results in us becoming the family landfill. The biggest things I can say here is learn to say NO thank you and then help them figure out how to let it go gently. They need to learn that their kids don’t want all their stuff……and stay tuned for the book launch in the next couple of months.
Resolving to releast the clutter this year will set you free to have the life you deserve and desire.
Wishing you all peace and calm,
Kim
Listen here to my Interview on this subject on CBC Information Morning with Jonna Brewer
