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Will there be family disharmony after you are gone 1

Okay nobody likes talking about the end. But the reality is we are all human, we are all born and we all die. There is an end to your time here on earth in the body you currently have, in the life you are living, surrounded by the stuff you use. We don’t know when that end will come, it can be sooner than we expected or we can live a long time. But at this point we will not live forever.

Anyone that knows me knows, I am not afraid to talk about the hard stuff. I have seen too many families ignore the hard conversations while someone is alive, then they have to deal with making decisions after a loved one is gone while emotions are running high. I have seen families fight, split apart and hold grudges for YEARS all over ‘things’. It makes me sad. I want to shout IT IS JUST STUFF! But to them the stuff represents so much more.

I understand that the things represent more than the material matter they are made of. They represent the loss of a loved one, they represent control of a situation, they represent holding on, they represent feeling respected, they represent being connected and they represent thousands of other feelings and emotions too.

I implore you today, to think about who will be left after you are gone, what will be left after you are gone and how you can reduce family disharmony over your stuff before it happens.

Here are a few tips to get you started:

#1 TALK TO THEM – I know this sounds simple but it amazes me how many people cannot have this conversation. I know it can be hard, but if you have an open and honest conversation about what they may want, what you want them to have, who gets what…it can save a lot of heartache later.

#2 WRITE IT DOWN – Write letters to those that will be left behind, let them know in writing what your wishes are and lovingly ask them to respect and love each other through the hard times. Written words can be powerful!

#3 LABEL THINGS - Have labels on bigger things, so when your ‘stuff’ is being cleared out, they will know who gets what according to your wishes. Just don’t make them take stuff they do not want…make it their choice please, ask before you label!

#4 MAKE THEM PLAY – if siblings or other family members cannot come to an agreement over who gets what, leave them instructions that they must play a game to see who gets it. Rock, paper, scissors works well and can break the tension.

#5 DON’T HAVE A LOT OF STUFF – You know I had to add this one in, right? Living simplistically and reducing what you have now will make it so much easier for family to settle after. Less stuff, means less stuff to fight about.

The loss of a loved one is always an emotional time, it brings out the best and worst in us. Family disharmony is commom, too common for my liking. Setting the stage and opening communication early in life makes dealing with a sad loss so much easier. Encouraging our loved ones to support and work with each other during that sad time, instead of against each other, leaves a legacy of love and understanding that far outreaches the ‘STUFF’ left behind.

You are NOT your stuff…ensure today that your family know that!

Xox Kim